Dear Friends,
My Higher Self said: ”Don’t struggle in the struggle.” I laughed because I had been in a struggle for weeks, months even. It was a difficult situation which was in actuality out of my hands but I still felt that I had to do something to change the direction it was heading.
I spent many hours on the phone, talking to others, contacting experts but none of these actions appeased my anxiety or improved the situation.
I could feel a heaviness in my body and outlook. I felt my world becoming smaller and life feeling drab, monotone, and dull. Somewhere in the process of navigating a difficult situation, my attention started switching to me. I was watching to see how I was handling myself.
I looked for signs of depression. I enquired into my moods and habits. I dug in wanting to discover more. Why did I feel the heaviness? What was this heaviness? I asked myself what would be my preferred state? Were there any beliefs that were keeping me in the experience I was in?
I learned that at the root of my anxiety was the simple truth, I didn’t like uncertainty. It made me feel uncomfortable and out of control. It made me want to dissociate or bring into control elements that felt threatening to my inner stability by fixing things, righting the course and making sure people and things were safe.
I had been trying to fix things because that was my coping strategy, i.e. take action, do something because being still felt unbearable.
By touching the root cause for my behaviour I have been able to untangle a few more realizations like: growth is necessary and includes struggle, uncertainty, set backs, doubt, disappointments, and mistakes.
I can accept that knowing – that we are all in the process of learning, unfolding, experiencing the different nuances of being in relationships, situations and purpose, that life will throw a spanner in the works, pull the rug from underneath us, we will make mistakes, we may be rejected even as we are loved – without the undertow of fear.
Knowing that that’s just how life can be provides me with some relief. I am going to take my Higher Self’s advice and “not struggle in the struggle”.
How about you? What growth is happening in your life? Are you struggling or finding your feet?
Let’s keep growing together!