“I know this is a first world problem but….”
It seems I am hearing this disclaimer more with each passing day. It is meant to convey that the speaker understands that any hardships or challenges they may face in life are incomparable to those suffered by many in the 3rd world and yet they are experiencing hardships just the same.
They are running from mortar fire every day. I’m just going through a divorce. They are in a real life and death crisis so I can’t complain about my divorce.
They literally have no food. They are starving and I am struggling to keep my weight down. I feel guilty for even thinking that I have problems.
She can’t go to school because she is a girl. She would probably be killed for even trying. Here I am with everything: a great job, a husband, a home, and a severe depression I am too embarrassed to even admit to.
Let’s be clear about something. We may live in the first world, but that does not mean that all of our hardships and challenges are 1st world problems. Although it is true that there are systemic problems exclusive to industrial society, most of what is attributed to FWP is usually just an irrational and overly emotional response to minutia and mild inconvenience.
A person screaming at ticket counter staff in an airport because of a weather delay that the staff has no control over is a 1st world problem. Debilitating depression, tangled emotional divorces and yes, even eating disorders such as anorexia or bulimia which kill more people each year than any other mental illness or disorder*, are real problems and they need to be handled as real issues.
Comparing our problems and wounds with theirs is like comparing apples and oranges. We can’t and shouldn’t for everyone’s sake. I live in the first world, but I was born in the third world. I have seen and experienced problems in both worlds. What helps me to steer a clear course in both, are the following touch points:
1. Unpack what is really going on – Whichever way stress may come into our lives: whether by mortar fire or a project deadline, we need to know how to deal with the stress. The worst thing we can do is immediately belittle our problems and by doing so, belittle ourselves by comparing our lot with others.
I would like to see more of us looking within and unpacking what is really going on. That’s the upside of being in the first world – generally, we have both the time and space to unpack our problems and figure out what is really going on.
For example, if you are in the middle of a divorce and you are feeling broken – allow yourself to feel what is true for you. Be willing to examine and challenge your thoughts and feelings. Is it really the end of your life? Are you really broken? Tired yes, but broken? Why? Will you always be?
2. Deal with reality – Once you unpack what is really going on be willing to take action steps to create a reality that works for you. For example, if you are having issues with your weight, what belief systems and assumptions do you need to slay in order to get back on track with creating a healthy body and mind? Get support – you don’t have to do it alone.
3. Raise the standard – don’t feel sorry for anyone – No matter what our circumstances we all have choices on how we want to experience each moment in our lives. Feeling sorry or guilty doesn’t help our brothers and sisters facing challenges on the other side of the world. Instead, let’s address the issues we are facing honestly and with purpose. As we do that we create more space to be with others and see them through a clearer lens. That way, perhaps we can be of actual help to them.
4. Meditate and be and do good – Be mindful. Create some quiet time. Meditate. All these activities that slow down the speedy mind and ease the stress levels help to create perspective about what’s really important, what’s healthy and how we face problems, first world or not.
We are part of the WHOLE world. We are aware of each other’s challenges, joys, and accomplishments. We cannot live our lives comparing them to each other instead, let’s do what the flight attendants teach us on every single flight in the event of a decompression: If traveling with a child or someone who requires assistance, secure your mask on first, and then assist the other person.
I think this approach would serve us all a great deal better and in turn, we land safely at our desired destinations.
How do you feel about your problems and issues? Do you inflate or bully them to the nether regions of your mind? Please take a moment to share your thoughts with us below… and don’t forget to pass this post along to someone who may benefit from this discussion.
*If you or someone you know has an eating disorder, please understand that there is help out there. It’s just a click and call away.You are not alone and it a trivial problem. For statistics on the dangers of Eating Disorder Statistics and Mortality Rates