Recently I read this line from Iyanla Vanzant: You are as sick as your secrets.
At the Nizhoni School, we spoke of such secrets as “unspeakables” – those things that if uttered or spoken aloud would create all that we fear. Shame, hurt, loss, rejection and so on would pour down on us like rain.
So we vow to keep secrets, we hide poor choices. We flee judgement, and in turn end up covering up whole parts of ourselves. Whether we’ve stolen (gasp!) or masturbated (what!?) or hurt someone (who hasn’t?), the feelings these experiences create can be like straitjackets. And we need to break free!
Here is a way – it’s similar to Catholic confession, which is known for its psychologically cleansing benefits.
Take a couple of deep breaths into your body, and close your eyes. Give yourself a few moments to allow your attention to turn inward, whilst allowing your breath to deepen.
Now, on your next deep breath, ask your Higher Self (your inner voice) to show you an unspeakable or secret that is particularly painful that you need to release.
Breathe, and allow whatever hidden memory or experience that feels shame-filled to come forward. It may be something very simple, or it may be something very buried and deep.
Once you can sense the unspeakable, ask your body where holds this secret/unspeakable that you need to release. Take your awareness to that place in your body, and ask it what color it wants to release that unspeakable, and the all the feelings it evokes. Imagine the color coming in from the universe, directly into the place where the unspeakable is held, and washing it out. Wash out the discomfort, shame, pain, guilt and any feelings associated with this unspeakable.
You can do this. Free yourself, and allow yourself to come into wholeness again.
Take another deep breath into your body, and feel the distance that you are creating between yourself and the unspeakable. Allow yourself to fill your body with new choices, and a sense of self that expresses who you truly are today.
When you are ready, take a few breaths and open your eyes.