It doesn’t matter who you are, or how impressive your list of accomplishments is: fear can still hook you.
We are all familiar with its signature through its smell, constriction, bio-chemistry etc. And just beneath all the stories of our fears lies the great grandmama of them all: the fear of death.
We have multitudes of negative associations with death. Pain, suffering, sorrow, and grief are a few we can readily call upon. Death brings with it this sense of banishment from life, and circumstances unfolding without our consent or control.
While we may try to be fierce contenders, death wins every time.
Thinking of it this way can feel paralysing and overwhelming. But the truth is, death has been so wrapped in fear and dread by nearly every culture, that we do not have our own relationship with it; instead we respond to it without consciousness or insight.
What if we thought of death as a process of transformation? A process that, in its simplest iteration, reveals that we are made of atoms: a process that will continue as atoms even after death.
I can accept death intellectually and spiritually as an evolution of my being. It’s an easy choice for me. But I find myself grappling intimately with its sister: the fear of failure.
The thought of failing subconsciously brings us into the same ballpark as death. We fear non-accomplishment in the same way nonexistence unsettles us. If we miss a goal or opportunity, it’s as if the world comes crashing down, because we tie the quality of our existence so closely together with our achievements.
If only we could remember during such times that with every stumbling block, we are pushing ourselves one step closer to our goals – whether we realize it or not.
We could easily say to failure exactly what we hope to say to death: “I see you, and you are merely requiring a necessary shift of perspective from me.”
To overcome any fear, we must face it.
Recently, both my parents shared their perspective on death with me. They told me they’re not afraid of dying. They feel complete with their lives, and should they pass on, it would be quite alright with them.
They do not feel constriction, pain, or worry associated with death. Instead, it is a sense of acceptance and surrender to something bigger than themselves. A sense of being released into the cycle of all things.
Imagine if we all held that attitude about tackling our daily lives, new projects, new relationships, etc. – not just at the end of our days, but all the way through them? What would our existence look like if we felt so complete in ourselves, the outcome unable to alter our inner equilibrium?
If we could replace our associations of failure/fear/death with expansion, freedom, and self expression… life would flower open for us in entirely new ways. We could experience each new venture and old, friend and foe with this sense of expansion, freedom, and fullness.
Fear, failure, death are loaded terms. But we can transform our relationship to them by upgrading the associations we make with them.
Here are a few ideas to spark this new code:
1. Death: see death as a transformation. When we live, we rise from the fabric of the universe as individuals for a time. When we die, we simply merge back into the energy we came from. Just as natural as our breath – in and out, form and formless. Keep this contemplation at the forefront of your consciousness, and stinging ideas surrounding death ease almost immediately.
2. Fear: be friendly with your fear – it can be an astute companion and guide. Do not be afraid to speak to your fears, and ask them what they need from you to release the tension and strain for good. Listen, and use what you learn. Observe the results.
3. Failure: fear of failure makes us contract and debilitate. We would rather the world swallowed us up, or allowed us to quietly vanish than face our shortcomings. Every time you feel the instinct to shrink because of the dread you feel, do the opposite. Allow yourself to consciously expand. Breathe a little deeper. Smile at the possibility of falling flat on your face, and be willing to contradict the failure narrative. See where this takes you.
A final thought:
Trailblazers, we are the bringers of a new dawn. A shining, clear day in which we consciously transform the way we face challenges in our lives. We must be willing to be sassy, to fall (even when we take the lead), and allow our mistakes to act as stepping stones.
Let us take fear by hand, and turn our age-old foe into a contemporary ally, riding fast with us into the shimmering horizons of potential futures.