Have you ever been listening to your child or partner… and mentally drifted off? Or found yourself in a crowd of people looking for a polite way to exit? Or avoided your own thoughts and feelings in moments of solitude?
I have. I call it ‘numbing out’.
Numbing out has a very foggy, familiar feeling for me – like cold porridge or an old, wet sock. At worst, it makes me want to curl up and go to sleep. At best, I wind up checking Facebook or watching pointless Youtube videos.
Sometimes, it feels as if my mind is out to sea because something deep in my subconscious needs to resolve itself. So I veg out, meditate, or sleep to allow that process to happen. I have learned to listen to and trust that unfolding.
But at other times, numbing out is the default mode for dealing with something overwhelming, uncomfortable or out of alignment with me.
When we numb out, we want to avoid the truth of our feelings. So we look for ways to fit in, and disguise our discomfort. The problem with this approach is that it’s taxing and purposeless for us. How long have we been “blending in” and “keeping up appearances”?
Too long if you ask me.
Let me give you an example:
In my life, I learned to drift off, or “leave my body” when I found myself in painful or stressful situations. I concluded that it was not safe for me to be “there”, and as I could not change the situation, I went elsewhere in my consciousness.
The problem with this solution was that any situation vaguely resembling stress or pain triggered the escape button in me. We all have our survival tactics – yours might be zoning out, anticipating the needs of others, losing yourself in your work, or making people laugh.
In and of themselves, these actions are perfectly wonderful. But when they become a defensive reaction for avoiding pain, the numbing begins to settle in for good. We start to disappear from our own lives and relationships.
We know this numbing out creates pathways in our biochemistry as well as our passions. We don’t delight as much, or feel the excitement in our loins as much. Ha!
Luckily, we can choose a different course of action. We can consciously awaken ourselves (again and again), in our everyday routines that numb us out, as well as those uncomfortable situations we wish to hide from the world.
So next time you feel yourself drifting off, or sense the telltale signs of numbing out, practice pulling yourself back in. Take time to examine what you may be trying to escape. Be patient, loving, and the truth of your feelings will free you.
And then because of such choices, such little daily awakenings, we may yet get to walk this earth as powerful, self-illumined homosapiens; lusty for life, and streaming goodness for generations to come.