Dear friends,

In my 30s, I was at a retreat with screenwriters and producers working on a screenplay together. They had invited a healer to help loosen up the creative juices and free any blocks. This healer primarily worked with Hollywood elite and rock’ n’ roll superstars. His work intrigued me, and I wondered if he would have time to work on me after working with the writers and producers.

As the retreat day was winding down, I asked if he could treat me. To my surprise, he agreed. His process involved a breathing exercise, slumping forward, and slapping my back. After doing the process a few times, he paused and noted it wouldn’t work because I was holding onto too much anger.

I looked at him in disbelief. I didn’t identify as someone who had anger issues or held grudges. I didn’t understand what he was talking about. I asked him to please try again, and he did. This time, the process ‘worked’ in a way that was beyond my comprehension. I found myself catapulted out of my body and reality into some fuzzy place where I heard some sounds, and then, with a jolt, I was back in my body. When I returned, I didn’t know where or who I was, who the people in the room were, or whether I was in danger. I must have looked like a wild creature, ready to bolt.

The healer immediately reassured me that I was safe and explained what we were doing. The session ended soon after that. When I returned to my room, I wondered about this strange experience and the anger that he picked up on.

Growing up, I saw first-hand the damage that anger could cause, and I decided early on to keep a tight lid on it. I vowed not to provoke anger in others and not to let it govern me—a decision that subconsciously influenced much of my life.

In my adult years, I began to unravel the complexities of anger. I discovered that it wasn’t just a negative emotion but a natural response to threats or a catalyst for change. I learned to discern when anger was productive or destructive, a lesson that would reshape my perspective.

I was told that a way to gauge whether anger is healthy is by how you feel after expressing it. Healthy anger should leave you feeling okay about yourself and not diminish the other person. In contrast, unhealthy anger often seeks to harm or demean others, driven by a desire to make someone else experience your pain

Today, I’m reaching out to share this journey in hopes that it might resonate with you and help you reframe your relationship with anger, especially my female readers.

Societal expectations can pressure women to suppress their anger, turning it inward and, in turn, manifesting as depression, fatigue, sadness, or isolation. This suppression can lead to physical pain and dissonance between our core values, vitality, and how we present ourselves.

So, I encourage you to reconnect with your anger and other forms of healthy aggression. Explore what it feels like to express your entire self fully. This isn’t just about unleashing anger; it’s about embracing and vocalizing all facets of who you are. It’s our freedom call.