Last week, I shared a story from my childhood with you of my winning a sporting event, which resulted in my coming in 2nd and 3rd place for most of my life. I had concluded that I didn’t deserve to come in first place and that if I came in first it would mean disapproval and negativity. So, I chose either to not pursue dreams or if I did, I didn’t set high goals for myself.
This conclusion brought with it a silent pain. A pain of feeling unaccomplished and deep unease because I was envious of others’ (family, friends, colleagues) successes. Fortunately, I was able to use the following techniques to overcome my negative conclusions and expectations. I put myself back on the winning path and I can help you to do the same.
Today, I want to dive deeper and share some techniques with you that I have used to break the negative repercussions and repeat failures that simple conclusions can generate.
We have many choices and tools that can transform even the most hurtful experiences into life nourishing, self-confidence boosting realities. Failure or viewing ourselves as unworthy or undeserving only points to a limited perspective of a bigger whole in which we can be engaged players.
Let’s take the memory above and apply these 3 simple sets and see how they transform pain and repeat failure.
A different approach – pay attention to your head and heart. If I could have been with my younger self that day, I would have told her to focus on her body and strength, her breathing and what she wanted to accomplish versus focusing on what she thought others were thinking.
I would have encouraged her to listen to her heart’s desire and how she wanted to feel about herself instead of her fears of others interpretation of her. Do you ever or have you ever found yourself focusing on the negative self-talk instead of on how you want to feel?
Take a moment and write down memories or experiences where you allowed your fear to take the lead instead of your desired feelings/results. How did it feel and what was the outcome? Now make a second list and write down what would it be like to follow your feelings instead of fears? This is a huge distinction that you want to anchor in and practice in your daily life.
If you find yourself heading into a difficult situation, take some time beforehand to get clear on what you would like to achieve and tap into your strengths (feelings) that you can use to generate those goals. Ask yourself: how do I want to feel during and on the other side of this situation? Then do everything in your power to generate those feelings.
A clear, connected head and heart relationship creates deep self-knowledge and confidence for any imagined or real battlefields. Practice this step every day from the start of your day, for projects, in relationships; basically for everything.
Next week, in step two, we explore assumptions and how to figure out which assumptions are ruling your life and leading you away from a fulfilling, rich life.
Thank you for reading my posts and please share them with family and friends; you never know when a simple technique can be the ray of light in someone’s unspoken darkness. See you next week, my loves.