In life, there will be pain and there will be loss. No one gets to escape these aspects of human existence. All you can do is learn to deal with the dark times as best you can.
Sadly, that is the situation here at Tenderlogic this week. Navjit’s father passed away last Friday so she is in the UK now with her family. She will be returning in a few weeks, but for now and with this in mind, we have decided to republish one of her older posts on the subject of dealing with and surviving the darker times.
The TenderLogic Team
There will be times when it is bad. Just really, really bad. Maybe it is the Karma of lifetimes being visited upon you, unfolding a heavy blanket of darkness. Maybe it is just luck or maybe it is the end days, you tell yourself. Whatever the reason for the dark time, you know you are in it. You can feel it, smell it, and taste it.
There will be periods in our lives when opportunities and ease are not our companions. When we are faced with hardship and struggles without solutions. Locked into moments that came with no foreseeable way out. When disease or injury blow apart our normal lives. or take the lives of our loved ones, allowing depression and anxiety to take hold as if with the jaws of a Pitbull.
In these moments, we feel as if there are no choices available to us. What are we to do then in these hardships when no doorway is open for us to escape.
I will always try to avoid acknowledging the darkness brewing at first, but ignoring the sinking feeling doesn’t make the coming storm any less real. As positive thoughts give way and the negative synchronicity pile; disagreements flow out of friendships, creating hollow deal breakers and resent.
We desperately look for a break in the storm, but it won’t appear by itself.
It could be heartache, loss, or a feeling of doubt that is tearing apart our insides, but no matter what the cause, it is harrowing to sit with and destructive to live with for too long. Why is that? Is it possible that within the full spectrum of our emotions there are some that do not serve us well?
Are there no insights to be gained from grief or sadness?
Here is what I have learned from my own dark moments, which I thought would never end-
- Feel the feeling. Do not report what you are feeling to yourself, for example, “I am so scared or I hate myself.” Instead, move towards the feeling, how do you feel?
- Do not become entrapped in a story. Keep your head clear. In other words avoid the “he said” “she said” narration that typically happens when you tell a story.
- Listen to understand what is happening inside of you. It is in these inner experiences that true emancipation is possible.
Here is a storm breaker meditation. Read through this exercise a few times so that you can practice it without interruption:
Take a deep breath into your body and breathe in all that you yearn for: light, love, ease, beauty. Allow it to enter with your breath. Take a few more breaths in this way to steady your being. Now on your next breath close your eyes and imagine white light flowing through you from the universe. A beautiful, radiant light moving through you and out through your belly button/solar plexus area and out to the sky. Give yourself a few moments to adjust your senses to perceive the energy of the light.Continue breathing and extending the light.
On your next deep breath ask the darkness that is affecting you to take a form for you. It could come as a symbol or an object or a feeling. Wait a little while and see what shape it takes and discern what it feels like: heavy or light, constricting, familiar and so on. Once you have perceived the form/energy of the darkness ask it what gift it wants from you to come into balance and harmony. The gift can come in the form of a symbol or object, color, feeling etc. Tune into, feel it.
Now imagine this gift coming in from the universe through the top of your head and out through your belly to the darkness. Observe what happens. Does the form of darkness change? Continue extending the gift until there is a palpable shift in the energy or form of the darkness. Extend a little more of the gift to the darkness and release it into the light.
How do you feel? Clearer? Lighter? Make a note of this shift in energy and return to this feeling if dark clouds begin to gather.
There is nothing in the universe that does not respond to consciousness/light. We can transform the darkest of days into experiences of meaning and valuable lessons. By choosing to use our consciousness we can find our way back to wholeness, but remember it is an unwavering wholeness that dissolves perceptions of separation and victimhood mercilessly.
Be brave — you are AWAKE. This is your body, your breath and your life to live. Know that in the darkness we can be the light and the within the scariest of storms we can be the very lightning that strikes.
If this exercise was awakening for you, please share your thoughts with us in the comments below. Drop me a line if you think I could be of help.