My story ages 0-10

My earliest memory is a vivid scene of childhood wonder, a moment that still resonates with me. I recall wandering into a bush of roses, utterly captivated by their rich, blood-red color and the soft, inviting texture of their petals. Even as the thorns pricked me, I was drawn irresistibly closer, feeling a sense of belonging envelop me, a sensation that, in retrospect, was my first real experience of feeling truly at home.

My life, from those early days, was a kaleidoscope of changing landscapes, as my family moved between India and England. Each transition brought with it a whole new world to adapt to – different time zones, climates, cuisines, languages, and an array of cultural norms. The unique amalgam of sounds and smells – from planes and airports to the rhythmic clamor of rickshaws and tractors – became the familiar backdrop to these years of constant movement.

In India, our farm was more than just a home; it was a realm where my imagination soared, and my bond with nature deepened. I found solace in the open fields and the rhythms of rural life. Meanwhile, England presented a contrasting charm. There, the highlight of my week was the family gathering on Saturday afternoons, all of us crowded around the TV, immersing ourselves in popular TV shows and wrestling.

Throughout these experiences, I often found myself observing the world around me with keen interest, trying to piece together how I fit into the ever-changing composition of family, school, and friendships. There was a longing inside me, a wish for a deeper connection with my parents, though, at the time, I couldn’t quite name this desire. I harbored a dream to be someone special, good and valiant.

My Story 2

My story ages 10-20

Growing up in the UK from the age of about 9 to 20 was a formative chapter in my life. English seamlessly became my primary language, not only shaping my daily communication but also influencing my dreams and aspirations.

When I think of this time images of skinheads, national strikes, demonstrations against apartheid, music by The Doors, and Kate Bush, The Rave dance scene, and movies such as The Godfather, Apocalypse Now, and Blade Runner jump into the foreground reminding me how these things formed my impression of the world outside my home and family.

The theme of belonging took center stage during this period. I grappled with questions about my place, the compromises I was willing to make for a sense of belonging, and the social groups that resonated with my identity.

My happiest moments unfolded in the warmth of family gatherings, surrounded by extended family members, shared meals, movies, and late-night conversations. The togetherness of these occasions allowed me to lower my guard.

I didn’t love to read until I read the book, “I Am the Cheese” by Robert Cormier which left a lasting impact on me.

From then on exploring literature became a means of understanding diverse perspectives on life, love, and loss, providing a counterpoint to my experiences at home.

I started reading romances, the classics, and a few racy books during my mid to late teens. I read books by Fyodor Dostoevsky, Albert Camus, Carlos Castenda, Aldous Huxley, Timothy Leary, Jean-Paul Satre, Erica Jong, and Jackie Collins to name a few.

As my teenage years progressed, existential questions about purpose and the prospect of an arranged marriage became prominent themes in my introspection

These teen years in the UK were transformative, shaping my identity and prompting a deep exploration of self, belonging, and purpose. I knew I had to make a leap of faith.

My Story 3

My story ages 20-30

Entering my 20s, I embarked on a journey that defied the expectations laid out by my Punjabi family. At 18, I left home to pursue a law degree, a decision my parents courageously supported, trusting my choices as a young woman of marriageable age. My mother’s reminder of our family’s standing in the community underscored their faith in me. “Always remember, how high your father’s turban is.”

Yet, as I delved into the world of higher education and law, the looming prospect of an arranged marriage nagged at me. The unspoken expectation was that I would follow the predetermined path set by my parents: education, a career in law, arranged marriage, and children – the blueprint for a “better life” than theirs. However, upon earning my law degree, I confronted two glaring issues: firstly, a reluctance to conform to the prescribed life, and secondly, a profound uncertainty about what I truly desired.

The challenge for me lay not only in rejecting the predetermined course but in grappling with a simple fact, I didn’t know what I wanted. I recognized amid this confusion that I had to figure out what I wanted, discover a way to untangle myself from family expectations, and successfully land on my feet.

My story ages 30-40

My journey at Nizhoni unfolded into an extraordinary chapter of my life. Over 12 years, I navigated through diverse roles until I eventually became the director of the school. In this capacity, not only did I teach, but I also initiated outreach programs aimed at assisting troubled youth in schools, summer camps, and even at a detention center. Simultaneously, I produced and hosted two radio shows that delved into themes of consciousness, healing, and education.

Amid this professional growth, I arrived at a pivotal decision in my 30s. I felt ready to embrace love wholeheartedly. I wanted to give of my love and what better way to manifest this than by welcoming a dog – a Pharaoh Hound into my life? The joy he infused into my daily life was unparalleled, revealing a newfound sense of responsibility for another being in a way I had never felt before. It was during this period that I began to comprehend the depth of my parents’ protectiveness and their plans for my life.

The subsequent chapters saw me evolve into a wife and a mother, each role opening up fresh vistas of joy and expanding the chambers of my heart. These roles demanded that I be more embodied and present, more focused, and willing to grow, love, and learn.

Reflecting on the journey, I recognize that the most profound lessons unfolded within relationships. These lessons encompassed the intricacies of loving and grappling with being met in ways that stretched my definition of love. They involved navigating through tough choices, contemplating sacrifices, and extending self-compassion.

These years became a crucible where dreams were distilled, and deeper self-knowledge and wisdom emerged. It was during this time that I encountered death more vividly – the departure of my grandparents, a close friend, and my beloved Angus. Each loss left an indelible mark, contributing to the mosaic of my evolving self.

My story ages 40-50+

All the while, as I explored questions about my place and purpose in the world, I continued to work one-on-one with clients, helping them step into their own life’s purpose, driven from the inside.

I was passionately engaged in what I loved doing, but life had more profound lessons in store for me.

It threw me a curve ball on May 25th, 2010. I had a near-death experience. While admiring a beautiful sunset on the beach in the Bahamas with my 2-year-old son, a small plane flying too low struck nearby electrical wires, causing an explosion that left us with severe second and third-degree burns from burning jet fuel. 

The aftermath of the accident was grueling. Endless bandage changes, skin grafts, hospital stays, and visits to burn units were some of our many challenges. But through this ordeal, I learned valuable lessons about pain, trauma, and the ease with which circumstances can overwhelm even the strongest of us. I also learned the importance of my relationships – their warmth, comfort, support, and connection- which gave me the strength to endure the darkest days.

During this time, I recognized how crucial it was to keep a positive outlook and relinquish control. It became apparent that the priority was healing, one moment at a time.

My understanding of death deepened; I saw it not as the conclusion of our journey but as a transition, a part of our learning about how we perceive suffering, the cessation of life, and what lies beyond.

In time, I healed. I learned how to integrate the physical with the spiritual and the power of saying yes to becoming more embodied with my message and life’s work, spreading my wings, using my internal compass to guide me, and helping others become more whole, fulfilled, and self-actualized.